Where to begin on this one? What an amazing year and what a challenging one as well. I have talked about how life seemed to be at a downward spiral before finding my way to the doors at Quest. And, there are some obvious aspects of life that were truly bringing me to those doors. I never really grasped all that Jesus had for me in this past year and I don’t think I will completely understand it for years to come. After all, I was not made to see the big picture.
As we are currently learning in the series “Christianity Isn’t” at Quest, there is a common misconception that when you surrender your life to Christ that He is going to make “everything better” on our terms. We setup a system in our minds of what is fair based on a scorecard with God. A card that says “if I do this, God, then you should provide me with that”. This is fundamentally misunderstanding the heart of the Father. I have realized that he does not want me to die with a scorecard full of resentment towards Him or others.
A fair God is not what I was looking for. I was looking for a God of forgiveness and Grace, not a buddy that will subside to my bidding. I needed to humble myself and let go, allowing God to do His work and for Him to see the plans set forth in my life. And, I can guarantee that they were not the plans that I had aligned for myself.
Just over a year, I was living with the one that I would soon to be engaged too and the family that I had every intention on starting. God had led me to close Lower 48. A music venue and dance club that I had always dreamed of owning. I was led to give up all of my printing equipment and closing that chapter of life. I was engaged and then unengaged. following the will of Jesus so closely in the development of my relationship resulting in my moving out but still dating.
It is unfathomable in my mind that Jesus could do so much work in only a short amount of time. A year marked with being wrecked and rebuilt into the man that He had intended me to be. A year that started with simply handing Jesus my problems one at a time to living in His lavish generosity and giving Him my all. Reflecting on a year ago, my answer to if I could do something was always “no”. I didn’t have time for it, I didn’t feel like doing it and my mind set was that tasks and requests from people became an annoyance.
As I have leaned on the cross and Jesus, He has changed my mind set to a spirit of strength. He has given me the will and the direction that I get to live life to the fullest, no matter what tasks or tribulations come my way. I trust Him more and more everyday, living in the wake of what He did for me and what He continues to do for me. That doesn’t mean that the storms of life won’t come, but that He gives me the peace of mind, the peace of heart to succeed in handling them. A new purpose in life with an entire new set of priorities.
One of my best friends, Tim Savage, brought this passage to mind when I gave my life to Him on February 13. Matthew 21:21-22 – Then Jesus told them, “I tell you the truth, if you have faith and don’t doubt, you can do things like this and much more. You can even say to this mountain, ‘May you be lifted up and thrown into the sea,’ and it will happen. You can pray for anything, and if you have faith, you will receive it.”
I truly believe that. It may not look like what I thought it would, but the fruit on the other side is always greater. I love getting to do life this way and I would suggest it to everyone. You won’t even know everything that He has in store for you until you do. That is my reflection one year in living with Christ in my heart.